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halgreen

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Currently watching a movie called "Daughters of the Dust" while reading articles about genetic memory, mixed lineage and the passage of trauma.

I'm bi-racial.
A word used to describe the mixing of two patterns of human recognition: [humans recognize "ethnicities" by physical and cultural traits].
My mother was african, My father french.
I  don't wish to talk with or about my mother. Yet despite our estrangement from one another, I feel drawn towards her motherland. 


In the old model of the family, the children and the grandparents are the most important part of the family:
The adults that are not yet wise are the workers and the providers for the rest of the group.


Nowaday, it's slightly changed: grandparents spoil the kids because they know that if the children aren't contented, they won't take care of the old folks.
I'm not nostalgic for old days, things must change. When a culture stops moving, it starts rotting.

I'm probably just looking for (new/old) patterns in my family's memory. Beyond shame, beyond religion, beyond even whatever gods were praised by my ancestors when preachers came-a-running to show them the word of this new god who was spreading across the country.
I want to go back to some source.

"The old souls were the memory.
The children were the futur
And in-between was all sorts of lives intertwined in joy and grief."

PS:
Even now, this might just be a fugue from my current problems
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Nightmare 1

1 min read
I hold my breath.
And I wake up, I look around me, staring at every details of my room , suddenly, I feel a scratching sensation in my womb, it burns like a fire inside me. I take off my shirt and see my skin tighten, then rip apart.
Forms emerge from the hole in my gut. Crows! Crows everywhere! Circling in tight formation, they fly like dark thought above my head.
But then, I see
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What I say: I'm feeling good, really. It's been a rough year and Iwouldn't have been able to make it without you, you're always here for me and I couldn't see me living without you. So, Thank you.

What I think: Don't leave, don't go back home, please stay with me, I can't keep this on, I'm not strong enough, I won't be able to do it, so please don't go.

Stay with me, I beg you
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Unknown soldier

1 min read
C'est la guerre, sèche tes larmes
Et choisis tes armes
équipe tes soldats
La bataille n'attends que toi
Déjà j'entends les tambours 
Qui dans l'air résonnent
Oui, d'un son de plus en plus lourds
Ce sombre tocsin sonne
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ça fait quelque jours que j'écris des pages de journal
ça doit vous semblez soulant,non?
.......bon, au travail!
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Featured

The children and the old souls by halgreen, journal

Nightmare 1 by halgreen, journal

My thought at this moment by halgreen, journal

Unknown soldier by halgreen, journal

Devious Journal Entry by halgreen, journal