Currently watching a movie called "Daughters of the Dust" while reading articles about genetic memory, mixed lineage and the passage of trauma.
I'm bi-racial.
A word used to describe the mixing of two patterns of human recognition: [humans recognize "ethnicities" by physical and cultural traits].
My mother was african, My father french.
I don't wish to talk with or about my mother. Yet despite our estrangement from one another, I feel drawn towards her motherland.
In the old model of the family, the children and the grandparents are the most important part of the family:
The adults that are not yet wise are the workers and the providers for the rest of the group.
Nowaday, it's slightly changed: grandparents spoil the kids because they know that if the children aren't contented, they won't take care of the old folks.
I'm not nostalgic for old days, things must change. When a culture stops moving, it starts rotting.
I'm probably just looking for (new/old) patterns in my family's memory. Beyond shame, beyond religion, beyond even whatever gods were praised by my ancestors when preachers came-a-running to show them the word of this new god who was spreading across the country.
I want to go back to some source.
"The old souls were the memory.
The children were the futur
And in-between was all sorts of lives intertwined in joy and grief."
PS:
Even now, this might just be a fugue from my current problems